That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
