yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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