I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize