guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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