Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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