I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
false alarm, still single
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
