Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
