census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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