I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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