they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
