did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
