random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
