I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize