After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize