maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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