That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
