You really coming over, don't trick.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
