Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
