I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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