I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
