Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
FUCK WHALES
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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