smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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