Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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