nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
