His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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