i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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