Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
