I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I will pee on everything he values.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
