Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
