Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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