I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize