I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
