what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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