Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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