How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
