Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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