My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
