You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize