He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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