i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
