So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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