we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
