Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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