he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
