But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
