I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
