we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize