I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
