You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
