Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
