tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
