1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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