Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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