The maid of honor just puked.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
