Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize