My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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