What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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