Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
