when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize