she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
