Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
