cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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