Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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