Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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