Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.

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(614): View more from Ohio

God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.

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(703): View more from Virginia

just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.

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(813): View more from Florida

Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing

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(410): View more from Maryland

I think I hear the ice cream truck

(410): View more from Maryland

I could be going crazy though

(410): View more from Maryland

NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP

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