Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
