I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
