dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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